Power Walking

Ever since I turned 50, I committed myself to trying everything I've ever wanted to try. For my 50th I road 200 km on my bike in the Ride to Conquer Cancer. Since then, I've given myself permission to finally study art (which I'm doing at a local college), participated in a marathon, and studied belly dancing to name a few. This year, my goal is to learn to power walk and to improve my time in the Toronto Marathon! I've enlisted the help of WoW Power Walking and am looking forward to my first lesson on Friday. I think I'll enjoy it as I'm a fast walker to begin with, I'm hoping I will learn the proper form so I can go longer distances faster. Cheers!

Eating Clean

I haven't been writing for a long time as I've been extremely busy taking care of my dad and trying to get his home ready for rental. My father seems to be getting better and I say this with some trepidation because I don't want to "jinx" him. It's very likely that he will go into a long-term care facility and I will have to supplement his pension in order to ensure a spot for him in one of the facilities I think are best for our circumstances.

Meanwhile, the battle of the menopausal budge continues! A few months ago I purchased Tosca Reno's book, The Eat-Clean Diet, and flipped through it and tried to follow it halfheartedly. I also purchased her cookbook and workout book thinking it would help me "do it right." Not so easy!

Learning to post videos

This morning I started just reading the blogs that I follow and I realized how much I enjoy when bloggers post video. I've tried posting before (not really...'cause I lost patience) and wasn't successful, so I decided today was the day. I've just spent some time reading Blogger Help and am going to upload some video.

Next problem...what video should I upload? Well, that's a no-brainer...belly dancing video of course, more specifically, tribal dance video. The first video is inspiring to me particularly because the dancers have bodies similar to my own -- with a nice big belly!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmwkVudtRzQ
Well...apparently the embed function is disabled on this video...so I'm posting the link...hopefully, it will work.

Upward and onward...lets try my next favourite one of the day.



And SUCCESS!!!

This last video is an old interview with Carolena Nerricio, the Director of Fat Chance Belly Dance (http://www.fcbd.com/) in California, who is credited with developing Tribal Style Belly Dance.



OK...one last, last video...this is a story of Jamila Salimpour, the women credited with bringing belly dancing into the classroom...and developing the language used to teach belly dancing. Thank you Jamila.

Yoga

The one exercise that will hands-down calm me and centre me is yoga. My favourite DVD/Video is Ali MacGraw's with Erich Schiffmann. It's about an hour long, Erich's voice is soothing and easy to follow. Ali is graceful and the class is composed of young and old participants. There are natural breaks to allow your breath to catch up with you. What's extra inspiring about this particular DVD is that Ali started yoga in her fifties. I've been doing yoga since I was 14...only there have been lapses in my practice. I feel so good right now, I can't even express it...considering an hour ago I felt so lethargic and sad.

I think I have the start of a summer routine...yoga every day. I've checked my gym's class schedule and I can get to at least four yoga classes a went. I also looked at the whole summer and am planning to get off that last 15 pounds by the end of summer. It's entirely doable...I just have to do it! I think I have the beginnings of a good summer plan!

In search of a summer routine

At the end of every school year educators and educational workers transition into summer mode; only, for me, that transition is not a smooth process. I usually feel like I hit a wall, face first. There is a sense of loss, mourning. The end of a school year. This year, in particular, the end of my time at a particular school. The loss of relationships, friendships. The loss of routine...which I crave.

Summer usually marks a period of disarray for me. The need to find routine, the need to find my place. When the kids were little, I would program our summer activities...create a routine, a summer "normal." You would think after all these years, I would get used to it, but I haven't. Every year is a new challenge; a new summer normal has to be created. This summer marks one year since my father got sick. One year of medical appointments. One year of doctors and hospitals. One year of worry, confusion, and sadness. One whole year. My father is scheduled to be on a tapered course of antibiotics until he’s done on July 24th. Then what?

Today was an especially tough one as I watched Michael Jackson's memorial and was reminded of so many memories from my childhood. Tomorrow I go into work for the morning and then, technically, I’m done until late August. So, why am I not relaxing and enjoying the release from the fast and hectic pace of an urban high school?

It’s summer…and I need a routine.

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today, Jaime shared her wish...to launch her new site on a Wishcasting Wednesday...and I wish her success with her launch next Wednesday!

So, in that vein, her prompt for us is

What do you wish to nurture?

I wish to nurture my creativity and spontaneity.

I wish to nurture my body, mind and spirit.

I wish to nurture my family and friends.

I wish to nurture the teachers, staff, and students with whom I work.

And most of all, I wish to nurture myself so I can nurture all those people and things I wish to nurture.

NOTE TO SELF

When you commit to yourself to start a new weight loss plan, DON'T go to a BBQ party and cruise the buffet table and the dessert table with the intention of just looking BECAUSE you can't just look without trying!!!

...easing into summer

I'm really looking forward to this summer. I'm hoping my father will be well enough to finally leave the hospital. He's tired and wants to get on with life. Since he's been on the anti-depressants, he seems more like himself. He's talking about going home, about his garden, about things he cares about.

I'm hoping I can pull myself together after the past few years and get on track with both my body and my career. It's really sad that when stress hits, I hit myself - I fill my body with all the crap I try not to eat or drink. I head straight for the chocolate, or the chips and coke, or the bottle of wine, or whatever is in the pantry that doesn't resemble any food found in nature.

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today Jamie asks us to ponder...

Who or what do you wish to play with?

I wish to play with my friends and family.

I wish to be active.

I wish run and play at the beach.

I wish to relax at my cottage.

I wish to dance with wild abandon.

I wish to listen to music so loud my whole body shakes.

I wish to rollerblade again (once I'm down to a "normal" weight so I don't kill myself).

I wish to cycle up hills and still be able to breath!!

I wish to be active with my friends and family.

I wish to dance

And

To all, I Hope You Dance...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTQfERb9HVk

Had a good day for a change

I had a pretty good day yesterday, I visited my new workplace and it was great. My daughter was able to visit my dad in hospital, so I didn't need to go. She reported he was in good spirits and that was great to hear. I was able to attend my art class and I felt like I was freed when I was drawing. I haven't felt like that in so long. The instructor liked my work and with each pass commented on how well I was doing. (Even at 51 a teacher's positive remarks are still welcome!) I love drawing and I miss it so much.

In terms of exercise, I haven't been able to fit it in at all. I think I'm going to re-enroll in belly-dance. I had fun and it kept me moving. I've been having more arthritic pain, which I didn't have while I was exercising regularly. What I have done well this week is stick to my eating plan and not binging on snacks or refined carbs. We'll see what the WW scales say tomorrow.

Today is Friday and it's really welcomed!!! TGIF

The toll of stress

The past few days have just been incredibly stressful. My father's emotions are swinging from one end to the other. On Sunday, he was so down, asking to have his hair cut in preparation for his passing. By all medical accounts, he is stable and should be doing well. His emotional well-being though is not well. They started him on anti-depressants which (I hope) will be kicking in soon. As his emotions flucuate, so do mine. As a result, I am exhausted both physically and mentally to the point that I opted out of going to work this morning so I could start the day off slowly. I will be going to the hospital to see him, run some errands, and then off to work. This morning, I was able to wrap up a report that I've been trying to get to for 4 days but, because of the busy-ness at work, have not been able to complete it. The announcement of my move to a new building was made public and I am so very happy about that. Now when things are rough at work, I think about the new beginning in September and can get through my day.

My weight has been flucuating as badly as my emotions. I am retaining water like a sponge. I start the day off with the intentions to stick to my eating and exercise plan, then by the end of the day, I'm off the rails. I suspose I should focus on actually getting through the day and not beat myself up when I don't honour myself by eating properly and exercising. I think I have to preserve what mental well-being I have left to help me get through the next few months. I am trying to remain positive through all this, with the hope my father will get stronger.

Back on the wagon

After four straight days of integrating exercise back into my day, I feel I can say I am back on the exercise wagon. The frustrating part is the water retention I get whenever I start exercising after a period of not exercising. The good part of feeling and understanding this frustration is that this time I am not giving up and stuffing my face with my comfort foods - chocolate, chips, and pop.

I will get to my goal weight. I will do it by the end of this summer. And I will do it by eating well and exercising!

10:00 pm (update) Today seems to be never-ending with problems - upset kids, upset teachers, upset parents. Went to the BBQ, I thought I ate OK, but by the time I got home I had both a headache and feeling of bloatedness. Got on the scale (which was a stupid thing to do) and weighed 165!! So...the good news is, rather than continue eating, I went downstairs and cleared out some old paperwork. I'm still craving something but I think I'll have some tea and then head to bed.

Difficult times

Although I try to keep this blog focused on creative endeavours...aside from cooking and baking, the creative endeavours have been limited. My father is quite ill and I have been taking care of him. Running to doctors and various hospitals in order to try and save his leg, which, unfortunately will be amputated in a week. My father has had type 2 diabetes for about 40 years and he's never managed it well. Always a very stubborn man, he would never listen to advice from his only child - me! And, now, here we are. It is because of him, I am determined to try and be as healthy as I can be so my children don't have to go through what I am going through. Caring for an elderly parent is extremely difficult as your attentions are divided between children, spouse, work, home, and (if you can squeeze it in) self.

The one thing I have done to commit myself to pursue painting is to register in a fine arts certificate program at a local college. I think this will make me make the time for myself. I've always taken night school courses in painting that have always been a great opportunity to spend time painting...but this time I want to actually pursue a program of some sort. I think I've found the perfect one and am quite happy and looking forward to starting in the spring.

I haven't been following along with the 12 Secrets...although, every time I check in to check everyone's blogs, events in my life seem to be mirroring whatever the secret of the week has been. Funny, eh?

Right now I'm just living...day to day...I just being and seeing where life will take me. The situation with my father is out of my control, even after trying everything we could. This brings me to question "do we have any control over anything?"

My five-a-day

Serena tagged me in a meme called “five-a-day” which was started to encourage mental well-being.

Here are my top five things to do every day (or, at least, several times a week) to stay mentally healthy:

• exercise - since last November when I hired a personal trainer, I made the committment to somehow honour my physical self by exercising - whether it's a workout, yoga, or through belly dance, I try to do some physical exercise several times a week, if not everyday


• read - it's seems strange to consider reading a luxury, but that's what it is to me. I spend my day reading work-related material, and when I get home I hardly have time to sit, so I try hard to read every night before I fall asleep - although, many times I fall asleep AS I read


• pray - it's the only way I can get through life


• eat healthily - self-explanatory - when I don't eat healthily my fibromyalgia flairs up as does the arthritis


• laugh - along with prayer...I need to laugh, such a release

I tag:

1. Genie Sea


2. Caroline


3. miss*R


4. Claudia


5. You!

Day 14 - Releasing Victim Thinking, Choosing Your Life (Day 1 for me)

I was planning on starting Soul Coaching tomorrow, the first day of the Fire week. But after I woke up and came downstairs, I sat down and read today's entry in Denise Linn's book. It seemed so appropriate for what I was feeling already this morning, I thought I would plunge in. Denise Linn, in her introductory, says start when you feel it's right...and somehow, that was today, the last day of the water week.

It was raining this morning and has been all day. After I got up from bed I weighed myself, as I usually do, particularly on Saturdays because I go to the morning Weight Watcher's meeting. I was up another pound and immediately started with the negative talk. "Why can't I stop binging when I'm upset? Why can't I get control of myself?" etc. So, it was funny (or serendipitous) to read in Soul Coaching that today's Level 1 task was to take negative questions and make them noble questions. Sometimes I feel like I've cornered the market on negative questions, so this exercise would likely be challenging...and it was.

Using Denise's sample questions, I came up with my own version of noble questions:
1. How can I nourish and strengthen my body and build a positive self-image?
2. How can I feel more abundant?
3. How can I honour myself?

I tried the Level 2 questions, using the situation at work. I am clearly being bullied by a superior and quite honestly feel victimized but can't figure my way out of it. I could answer question 1 and 2. But when it came to answering number 3 and 4, I couldn't even begin. I've gone back to those questions throughout the day, and still have no answer. I know Denise says the answers are within each of us, but at this point at time, I still don't have an answer. I'm hoping it may come to me through this journey.

Level 3 exercise was good...I addressed very painful, pivotal events in my life and feel some peace after repeating the affirmation. Even events from my childhood. I think over time I have come to peace with them, but this felt like it was a good cleansing... how very appropriate for the last day of the water week.

Interesting email

Just on the eve of starting the Soul Coaching I received this email from my fitness trainer, so I thought I would post part of it here.

St. Theresa's Prayer: May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

Soul Coaching

I've decided to join a book club blog using Denise Linn's book, Soul Coaching. It's 28 days to enlightenment, so something similar. It feels a lot like Julia Cameron's an Artist's Way. I found that book was extremely helpful when my mom was sick and following her death. I've read some of the blogs of the members of this book club and they all seem so thoughtful, most either artist or in some way in pursuit of a creative life. That's what I want, and I suppose for the most part, that's what I have...only it's not in the form that I wish.

Since I'm starting the book mid-way through, I will be starting tomorrow which will be the first day of the Fire Week. I've read the section and the day's focus is facing one's fears. All day, that's what I've been thinking about my fears...