Reflection on the last day at this workplace...

Well, today was the last day at my current workplace. Although I'm glad to move on, I'm sad to leave. I already miss the people I work with...the relationships that have developed over the past couple of years. I will miss the potential that has not been realized and I will miss what might have been. I cleared my office, erased my hard drive, deleted my phone greeting and messages. I have cleared all evidence of my existence in that office. Sad to say, but that's how it had to be. I look forward...as I always do...to new experiences, new relationships, new potential. As my father says, just keep moving forward.

Back to Belly Dance

It's been a few months since I've done any regular exercising...which is actually a sad thing to say as I have been consistant for since November 2007. Firstly, losing my trainer really threw me off. I didn't realize how important it was to have her come here and motivate me to exercise. I haven't gone to belly dance classes in the last two sessions...I think May was the last time, in a year, that I went to a session. My shoulders are killing me, I wake up in the morning sore and sluggish. When I was exercising, I was almost symptom-free. So, tonight (even though the this session started last week) I am going back to belly dance...and I'm really happy about it!

Here's a video I found from a dance group in Rome...really excellent!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM43MDAN-8Y&feature=channel

NOTE TO SELF

When you commit to yourself to start a new weight loss plan, DON'T go to a BBQ party and cruise the buffet table and the dessert table with the intention of just looking BECAUSE you can't just look without trying!!!

...easing into summer

I'm really looking forward to this summer. I'm hoping my father will be well enough to finally leave the hospital. He's tired and wants to get on with life. Since he's been on the anti-depressants, he seems more like himself. He's talking about going home, about his garden, about things he cares about.

I'm hoping I can pull myself together after the past few years and get on track with both my body and my career. It's really sad that when stress hits, I hit myself - I fill my body with all the crap I try not to eat or drink. I head straight for the chocolate, or the chips and coke, or the bottle of wine, or whatever is in the pantry that doesn't resemble any food found in nature.

Back on the wagon

After four straight days of integrating exercise back into my day, I feel I can say I am back on the exercise wagon. The frustrating part is the water retention I get whenever I start exercising after a period of not exercising. The good part of feeling and understanding this frustration is that this time I am not giving up and stuffing my face with my comfort foods - chocolate, chips, and pop.

I will get to my goal weight. I will do it by the end of this summer. And I will do it by eating well and exercising!

10:00 pm (update) Today seems to be never-ending with problems - upset kids, upset teachers, upset parents. Went to the BBQ, I thought I ate OK, but by the time I got home I had both a headache and feeling of bloatedness. Got on the scale (which was a stupid thing to do) and weighed 165!! So...the good news is, rather than continue eating, I went downstairs and cleared out some old paperwork. I'm still craving something but I think I'll have some tea and then head to bed.

WW Saturday

Went to a different meeting this morning so I could meet up with my friend. This group was very lively and the leader was really perky...perky in a good way, not in an annoying way. I weighed in and was down 0.4 lb from last week. This is good, although on my scale I was down 1.0 lbs, so I have to think about which weight I'll be recording in my little tracker at the top of this blog.

I always leave the WW meetings feeling so inspired...but then by about Tuesday it all peters out. I think having my weight loss journey "out there" as opposed to secretly tucked away in my kitchen table drawer, might be an excellent motivator for me to stay on track.

Today I was hoping to get a bunch of errands done, in addition to seeing my dad at lunch and dinner. He seems to be a bit better and I say this cautiously. He's out of isolation and now has a roommate, which I know he likes. They've put him on an anti-depressant to deal with the downward spiraling emotional state and he's laughing -- laughing almost too much, but it's better than the constant crying.

As I am committing to taking care of myself, I promise to fit in cardio again today and really work on get a rhythm back to re-integrate strength training because it was when I was doing regular strength training with the trainer that I was really losing weight. It's been since she left that I've done none and the weight's come back on.

Wishes

What a wonderful day yesterday was! Starting with the wishcasting and the lovely return wishes! The day went pretty well, I visited my father and he seemed like his old self - he's been up and down the past month. The hospital has given him some medication to deal with his emotional health. Looks like he'll be out of isolation soon, he's beat the c-dif and hopefully won't get it again. My wish for him is that he returns to the rehab hospital and continues working toward getting a prosthetic leg.

Work was terrific...mostly because I worked offsite! Started my day relaxed, got a lot of work done - it's amazing how much you can get done when no one bothers you! And at the end of the day, I got the good news that I've been praying and WISHING for!

Thank you, fellow wishcasters, maybe wishes do come true!

Today, I stuck to my diet mostly...and I found I wasn't craving anything. I was down a pound this morning, but the real weigh in that counts is the one at WW. I haven't fit in exercise this week, except for what I did on the weekend, so I have to get shaking with that. Speaking of shaking, I totally miss taking belly-dancing. I think I'm going to have to figure out a way to fit it back it. I just loved those classes.

Tonight, I was at my drawing class...I also come back from that class feeling so peaceful. Three hours of uninterrupted drawing, what a pleasure!! I need to practice more...I did better my first week, in that I drew everyday. Well...add that to my "to do" list too...

:-)

WW Saturdays

Saturdays are my weigh in day at Weight Watchers. Today I was a hefty 162.4, up from last week. I have been so inspired by Helen - Biggest Loser winner this season. She's about my age, married with two kids, and she looks phenomenal!

The Biggest Loser diet is a pyramid of 4-3-2-1 (four servings of fruits and veggies; three of lean protein; two of whole grains; and one "extra") paired with exercise. Well, I've dropped the exercise altogether due to the increase in stress. I'm trying to stick to eating actual food, as opposed to processed or refined foods. Mostly protein and veggies with no or very little carbs from refined carbs...like a high-protein diet, but with complex carbs. Why is this not working? Well, could be from the candy dish that is in a colleagues office...that whenever I'm stressed, I find myself there and grabbing a bunch of candy!!! This week she had tootsie rolls, which I love!!! Also, I only got to the gym once and did no exercise at home. So, was I surprised by the weight increase...no, not really! Mostly disappointed...in myself.

This week I promise I will not eat when I'm upset and I will stop snacking. For exercise, I will get to the gym at least twice and try to do either a pilates or yoga dvd. Plus I've got my drawing class for soothing my soul (I still have to figure out how to upload the artwork without a scanner).

Wednesday May 13, 2009

This past week, I turned 51!! Wow...and I'm still smiling (mostly). When I turned 50 I made a promise to myself to do the things I've always wanted to do and the last thing I was able to squeak into my 50th year, was the start my Fine Art Certificate at a local college!! So, my dream of studying art is finally rolling and I'm really happy about it. As far as celebration, didn't do too much of that as my father is still in hospital and I spent the evening with him. But, my youngest son DID pass all his courses of his second semester in university - after a rough start in first semester. My nephew dropped by and shared with us he got accepted into the university programs he applied to - after a really rough finish to high school, with our support, he was able to pull himself together and finish high school. He came over because he wanted to share the joy with the people that helped him and it was significant that he got the acceptances on my birthday. Not typical gifts by any description, but made me extremely happy nevertheless!

I'm still working on my weight...have been having a rough go of it. Was doing really well, got down to 155, but am back up to 162. My other blog was meant to follow my weight management quest, but I've sort of abandoned everything and am now trying to get back to writing - it's very theraputic for me, a really good release. I'm so thrilled with this past season of Biggest Loser - Helen, a 48 year old mother of three, won! She looked terrific - what a great role-model for me. I keep thinking, "Oh I'm getting older...it's OK if I'm a little heavy." But, it's not...I don't feel good...so, I'm getting back to exercising which I've also abandoned in the last couple of months.

If I can get my scanner to work, I'll post some of the drawings I've done in my college class. I love drawing and am looking forward to this experience.

I'm sending lots of love to the universe!

Today

I went to Weight Watchers today and gained a bit. Although, I'm down close to 20 pounds in total, the up-down-up-down at the scales gets to me sometimes. Today, it was magnified because there was someone at the meeting who I've met in a different context and wasn't terribly impressed by. Problem is, I needed to be cheery, since I know them in a professional context...rather, than screaming and running away - which I what my soul wanted to do!

The last month has been difficult to stay on track with my workout routine my trainer prepared - partly because she has been going through something and had to cancel a couple of our workouts...also, partly due to caring for my dad - that's been a huge drain...and, partly, due to the fact the weather is crappy, there is no sun, and work is crazy busy. On the plus side, I have ONLY gained 1.2 pounds this week (could've been worse!)...I am using the membership at Extreme Fitness that my son didn't want anymore (mostly for yoga, but I'm GOING!). Sooo...I guess, the net result is good because I haven't stop exercising all together and haven't thrown every piece of chocolate, or cookie, or cake, or candy, or any other food that starts with 'c' into my mouth!!

I've been trying to finish the "Soul Coaching" book and have been spending a couple of days per "Soul Coaching day"...today is the day where I have to craft a mission for my soul. I read the book last night, and it talked about listening to things throughout the day. One thing I heard myself say yesterday, and I actually say quite frequently when I'm working with kids is that...my mission is to make sure the students that I work with succeed - and succeed in the sense that they get through school, pass all their courses, get to graduation, and get on with their lives...succeed in drafting a plan for their future - not necessarily what they'll be doing when they're 50, but the near future "what do you want to do right out of high school? in 5 years?" These are questions kids can answer without feeling overwhelmed that they are making some massive decision that they can never deviate from. This is wish and this is my mission.

Is my mission at work, also my mission in life? Maybe. I help people I connect with at church, in my neighbourhood, or any context - if I see I can help, I do. Two days ago I ran into someone who I met at church and helped with a family situation. She thanked me for taking time to help her even though I didn't really know her and told me everything had worked out well for them. Something that took me less than a half hour, impacted that family for the positive. Wow!

Why is my mission as an educator so clear, but not so clear for my mission in life. Maybe they're one and the same. I don't know.

New goals?

For me, it's about goal setting. If I can set a goal, it gives me something to work towards. And...somehow or other, I figure things out.

I was thinking about my situation, and the extreme unhappiness I'm having with respect to work-place statisfaction. I thought about what had made me happy about work and how I can get back to that place. I enjoyed teaching...as an adminstrator I work with disgruntled people - kids, parents, teachers - rarely do they come in to tell me something good, mostly just problems or concerns. Teaching - interacting with students - developing curriculum - seeing the light in my students eyes as the lesson clicked for them -- that was joy. How can I get back to that joy and pursue "art happiness."

Two things happened this past week - one, a casual conversation with a friend and second, a trip to the library.

The conversation: My friend AH is program coordinator for a Continuing Education program and was talking about how great that experience is in contrast to role in the day as administrator. It's a role she enjoys...meeting people who want to learn - whether it's for pleasure, interest or somehow work-related. Teachers who are keen to share what they know.

The trip to the Library: I wanted to take out the South Beach diet book because I want to kick start my weight loss and get that last 10 pounds off (yes, I know, famous last words). While there I browsed in the Art section and found a spiral bound book by Nancy Reyner - Acrylic Revolution: New Tricks and Techniques for Working with the World's Most Versatile Medium. I took the books out and when I was going through Acrylic Revolution I thought about how someone could use it as a textbook for experimenting in art.

Then the idea: I thought how great it would be to teach a night school course through Con Ed. We could explore the versatility of acrylics and do a sampling of exercises from the book. Anyway, I was so excited I sat down and started preparing a ten week lesson plan. A LESSON PLAN. Something I haven't done in almost 5 years. It was fun! I told AH about it and she got all excited and wants me to commit to teaching at her school in January.

Well...I put the brakes on that. I can't see it happening this year...but maybe next September. I (once again) don't have the confidence in myself...which is crazy, 'cause one of the courses I taught one year was a course on PhotoShop - which I had never used before!! Yet, the kids did great, produced some amazing work, and I felt great about it at the end of the year!!

Hmm....something to think about.

April 12, 2008

Haven't posted in a long time. Have been up and down. I've been exercising in preparation for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. I've switched plans from Weight Watcher's Core to Flex. I was still overeating on the Core plan. The Flex is giving me more control in that I need to eat within the prescribed amount of points. Although Core is easier for maintaining - it's the plan I will go to once I've reached my goal.

Although I'm not losing a lot, I am dropping inches. My clothes fit loser and I look like I've lost weight. So, that's good!!

2.4 down...thanks to stress

I dropped 2.4 pounds this week...and I don't think it was because I did anything right. It was a terribly stressful week and I exercised only twice. I'm back on track with my monthly goal, though. Only 1.4 pounds to be where I'm aiming for by the end of February.

My aunt's in the hospital...she has pneumonia and is 92 years old. I know she's lived a long life...but she is my mom's last living sister and my second mom. I went to see her today. I feel so sad...so very, very sad. My mother died in March...we're coming up on her 6th anniversary...my aunt could go the same time. I'm praying for her...

not too good today

Didn't do particularly well today. Gained 1.6 lbs and I feel quite upset with myself. I know it's from the snacking throughout the week 'cause of the stress at work. I stepped up the exercising as I'm training for the Ride to Conquer Cancer and thought that that would somehow even things out...obviously, didn't! Well, I'll get back on track this week and have a loss next week.

down 2.2 lbs!!

Well...this week I decided I would cut the cream out of my coffee. I'm doing CORE which, if I were following it properly, I would have to count the points for the cream...but I haven't been. So, this week I decided to replace the cream with skim milk (not as pleasureable, but I managed)...and I lost 2.2 pounds. I also worked out...Lynne had me do a new workout which really worked my abdominals...ouch!

So, in the grand scheme of things...my goal for January was to lose 3 pounds, and I've lost 5.0 lbs. February is a rougher month for me at work so my goal is 2 pounds. What I have to focus on is not munching (or binging) when I'm stressed. What's coming up at work? I'm getting 2 new half-time secretaries to replace my one regular secretary, I'm prep-ing for a whole school initiative, as well as prep-ing for the promotion process at work. Lost to be stressed about...but I think I can do it!

Mary's baby shower...

Just got back from a baby shower my friend Mary threw for her niece. It was very "English" - petit fours, little crustless sandwiches, little cakes, etc....and I have some of everything. OMG!! So, how I deal with this for the rest of the week is my challenge. I've used most of my 35 points and have 14 left for the remainder of the week. Since I'm doing CORE, it means I can't snack on non-CORE foods for the rest of the week...or, at least, be very careful and prudent. I can do it!

Lost 1.0 lbs!!

Doesn't sound like much when you hear other women at the WW meetings who have lost 3 and 4 pounds, but for me this is great! This year I'm trying to plan my weight loss out over the year. I love planning and live my professional life with plans, checklists, to-do lists, etc. and get great satisfaction when I succeed in achieving my goals. If I don't achieve them, I re-evaluate my goals and decide whether or not to proceed, and review where I want to be at any given time. It's a strategy that's worked well for me throughout my career - whether it was in education, like now, or when I worked in the private sector in the computer field. It works and I feel good! But it never dawned on me to do the same for my health...well, it did "dawn on me" but I never actually did anything about it. And, ya, I've done the New Year's resolution bit, but that wasn't specific enough, it wasn't SMART - Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely - the exact strategy that works for me at work, I had never applied to weight loss and health.

So, this year, in the year that I turn 50 - I finally get it. I've set weight loss goals throughout the year. Each month I've identified an amount of weight I want to loss - considering work demands and knowing some months are more stressful that others. Allowing me to have some comfort foods if I really need to and can't divert to something else. I've also hired a Personal Trainer who is really fantastic and do not cancel workouts no matter how tired or depressed or stressed I am. I've also set out an outfit I would like to wear on my birthday and another outfit for New Year's Eve 2008/9.

I've been setting short-term weekly goals, and trying to keep them. This week, I'm going to stop using cream in my coffee and switch to skim milk. I thought a little cream in my coffee won't make so much difference, but I think it does, in more ways that weight. It could be part of the problem with my choloesterol (which is a whole other story).

I think...no, I know I'm on the right path. I will continue to journal here, 'cause it's easier to type here than to write in my journal. For this month, my goal was to lose 3 pounds, so far I've lost 2.8 - so 0.2 for next week and I've met January's goal!!

back to the purpose of this blog

The original purpose was a place to track my progress with my health plan for 2008...lose weight, exercise and look great when I turn 50!!

I've been working out with a personal trainer who is just great! She's nice, she's just a regular woman, and she makes me work hard but doesn't go into overkill. My weight is fluctuating, but I'm learning to eat better...so once the penny drops and I still to the Weight Watchers plan, hopefully the weight will come off too.

So, I'm plugging away at it...staying hopeful, optimistic, and positive.

fitness

Tonight was my first session with my personal trainer. I never thought I would ever say anything like that...or even say anything remotely close to anything like that. I've decided now is the time I have to integrate physical fitness into my life. Between the stress and the arthritis I just can't see my life going as it has been. My goal for working with this trainer is to be able to get back to when I was able to do exercise every night and feel good and move without worrying about what I might hurt.