what's tough about being an only child?

You're the only one. The only one to take care of your mother when she is dying. The only one to take care of your father with whom you have never really had a good relationship. The only one to make a decision on elder care for a father who has always been strong and is in both physical pain from a terrible infection on his diabetes ravaged body and is mentally in pain because he can't be the strong father figure his only daughter has always know.

What's so tough about being an only child? There is no one else to share stories from when you were a child. There's no one else to share in the pain when you lost your mother and are watching your father grow weaker as he grows older.

What's so tough? There are only the memories you have...alone. The stories you try to share with your family who really don't understand or, maybe, don't care because they have their own memories they are building.

It's tough being an only child...even when you're 50.

On being 50

I started this blog with the intention of tracking my weight loss and exercise as I trained for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. Since I turned 50 this past May, there has been a change in my perspective on life. No big surprise, this is what every 50-year-old professes. But, it is happening to me now, so it matters more.

The Ride to Conquer Cancer was a challenge I took up as a way to honour my mom and fund-raise in her memory. I had wanted to do something for her, but nothing seemed to fit, until I heard about this event. I've also signed up as a volunteer for Sunnybrook Hospital's Underwear Affair - for cancers below the waist. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer, so this will be a way to do something for her. I have also signed up for next year's Ride.

I'm restructuring my priorities. I'm not sure work is the be-all and end-all for me as it once was. I feel like I'm in some kind of limbo. So, in the meantime, I am taking on challenges and trying things. One of those things is belly-dancing. I've wanted to do this for years and years...and this was the year!!! I love it...I can't even express how much fun it is and how freeing being able to dance is. My dream, as a child, was to be a dancer...and in some ways, this fulfills that dream.

That comes to the change in focus of this blog. I will continue my enternal battle of the bulge, but I will enjoy exploring and trying new things and write on being 50.

The Ride to Conquer Cancer - Day 2

We got home late from the hospital so I didn't take a shower before bed...I just wanted to sleep. We got up early Sunday morning, showered and joined everyone for breakfast...only...everyone had breakfast earlier than us and were on their bikes ready for the 'start'. Oh well...we took out time, which later proved to be problematic as we were at the end of the 'biker pack.'

I was determined to ride the ENTIRE course this day. But as the day went on we lagged behind. I was ENJOYING THE SCENERY which not everyone else seem to be doing. It was so beautiful. When we got up to the top of the escarpment my breath was just taken with the beauty. Even though it was overcast, it was spectacular!!

We continued on. Mia was worried about me and kept asking if I was OK. I know she was frustrated because she kept having to stop to wait for me to catch up. I wasn't intending on over-exerting myself, so that didn't make anything better. I wasn't in a rush...it wasn't a race...I was just so overwhelmed with emotion that I was actually taking up such a challenge and that even greater than that I was doing it for people who have a fight 100 times greater than my issues that day. I was so inspired by the survivors on the Ride and the stories from other riders and family and friends they had lost and were dedicating their rides for. For me, my mother was foremost in my mind. I think she would have been proud...for certain, she would have thought I was nuts...but she would have been proud for fundraising and trying to help in whatever capacity I could do.
This was a great weekend, no matter what! Near the end of the Ride, Mia became really worried about me and that we wouldn't make it to the finish line. She flagged over one of the sweep vehicles and was talking to them. By the time I reached them, they asked if they could take us up to within 3 km of the finish line and drop us off. We had done about 90 km so far and I did not want to give up - I was determined I would do the whole 100 km and ride across the finish line. I looked at Maria and asked her if this is what she wanted to do. She nodded 'yes' and I agreed for her sake. I was angry but I didn't want to upset Mia more.
The sweep vehicle dropped us off 3 km before the finish line and we rode in across the finish line. There were cheerers along the path and the announcer called out that our group was coming in. Mia crossed first and, as the cheerers were cheering, turned to me and say "Why can't every day begin like this!" So funny...but true!
This was such a huge event in my life...after marriage and childbirth, of course...that everything else seems not as significant as it was before. This ride put things into perspective for me somehow. I can't explain how...but it did.
We've signed up for next year already.

The Ride to Conquer Cancer - Day 1

The Ride to Conquer Cancer came and went and we did great! Such a great day, such a great event. It started on Friday June 20th - Day Zero - down at the CNE in the Direct Energy Centre where we parked our bikes overnight, handed in the remainder of our donations, picked up jerseys, maps and our bike tags. Cancer survivors received an additional bike marker - a yellow flag attached to the rear wheel. It was amazing to see so many people...and to see so many survivors.



Saturday June 21st - Day One - we all picked up our bikes and gathered in the parking lot across from the Direct Energy Centre. Following the Opening Ceremonies we were let out onto Lakeshore Blvd. For the most part, the road was closed off up until around Malton. We were in Mississaugua by 10:30. I don't think I realized the scope of the ride...and quite frankly, I didn't think about it at all for precisely that reason. I think if I had consciously thought about what it meant to ride 200 kilometers, I would have scared myself silly and would not even have riden.



The weather was somewhat overcast, but it didn't rain ....which was good! There were cheerers along the way...so great! After lunch on the first day, we approached and reached the Niagara Escarpment. Boy, oh boy, was that tough! It was an upward climb, very hilly, and when I couldn't ride, I would get off my bike and walk up. Maria was taking the hills really agressively and was about half a kilometer ahead of me most of the way. It wasn't until we were almost at the third pit stop that I finally gave in and got a lift from the sweeper vehicles. I was sooo out of breath and my chest was killing me. Maria stayed on course and we met at the pit stop. There was still alot of hills left and I didn't think I could do the rest for that day - I had successfully rode about 70km the first day and I was not too proud or too stupid to continue when I didn't feel well enough - so I decided to take the bus into camp.

Maria decided to join me on the bus to Mohawk College in Hamilton. It was fun and there were a lot of people on it...many of them were very young and "fit-looking"...so I didn't feel so bad. We didn't stay in the camp, we had a suite in the Mohawk College Residence, so we went up, changed, and went down to the camp. I thought I'd go to the Medical Tent and talk to them about the chest pain I was having...and before I knew it, I was in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. Without going into the story...I was OK and sent 'home' with permission to continue the Ride the next day.

I'm 50!

Today I am 50 years old and what a weekend it's been so far. My kids and husband conspired to surprise me with tickets to "We Will Rock You" - a fantastic show featuring the music of Queen. My husband and I went yesterday (today is the last day of the show) and sat just rows away from the stage - fantastic seats for a fantastic show!!! When we came home, we immediately headed out to have a family dinner at a great local Italian restaurant. Today is Mother's Day and my birthday. It's 8:45 am and the kids are still sleeping. The plan for today is church and then Maria and I will get on our bikes for a long ride...with the Ride to Conquer Cancer only about 5 weeks away, we have to kick up the training a bit.

First Post

This is the first post to my newest blog...my blog about my crafts hobbies - sewing, knitting, crotcheting, quilting, and needlepoint. I have had a needle in my hand since I can remember - my earliest memory is from when I was about 4 and sitting in my mother's lap at her industrial Singer while she pressed the foot and I guided the fabric. I sewed many of my Barbie's outfits. I learned to knit alongside my mother and learned to crotchet with me Aunt. As a young girl, I sewed many of my outfits - including my Prom outfit. I sewed much of my maternity wear when I was pregnant with my children, sewed my children's shorts and shirts, and many of my daughter's dresses.

My goal for this blog is to chronicle many of these projects as well as highlighting current projects. An online photo-album, of sorts.

April 12, 2008

Haven't posted in a long time. Have been up and down. I've been exercising in preparation for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. I've switched plans from Weight Watcher's Core to Flex. I was still overeating on the Core plan. The Flex is giving me more control in that I need to eat within the prescribed amount of points. Although Core is easier for maintaining - it's the plan I will go to once I've reached my goal.

Although I'm not losing a lot, I am dropping inches. My clothes fit loser and I look like I've lost weight. So, that's good!!