Day 17 (my day 4) - Facing the Shadow

I unconditionally accept all parts of myself.

Today we were supposed to be aware of every time we negatively judged others. This is a habit I've gotten into, particularly when I'm going through a low period, and I don't like it. What I found interesting is the question we had to ask ourselves, "Could this trait possibly be something that I have exhibited in the past, am currently exhibiting, or am capable of manifesting in the future?" I haven't thought of that before. It certainly has caused me to think, particularly today because I was on a workshop and I tend to get into a negative space and get into "judgment" mode. Weird...but it must be traits I recognize in myself that I dislike and react to. It makes sense.

I did the level 1 exercise - replacing "should" with "could" - I found this to be freeing somehow. It really did remove the guilty feelings associated with statements that include "should." The level 2 and 3 exercises were just too much to deal with from an emotional standpoint. Maybe I'll come back to them. I will be try to dance out the darkness and dance in the light, though, before I go to bed tonight. I find taking the belly dance classes have helped alot in that way. The classes also help I feel about myself and my body. We did a dance last night that felt sensual and a lot of fun while within a safe environment with other women of all shapes, sizes, and ages.

For now, I will defer to Charlotte Bronte's words, sign off, and go dance.

"The human heart has hidden treasures,

In secret kept, in silence sealed;­

The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,

Whose charms were broken if revealed.

And days may pass in gay confusion,

And nights in rosy riot fly,

While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,

The memory of the Past may die. "

(first verse of Evening Solace)